I'm as ugly as a peacock,
a black peacock flying
toward Alaska.
Heavy and cloudy, the
air is thick, sweet
to my nostrils, bitter
to my tongue, the peacock screeches in the distance,
A painful screech like
garlic
in my nose. Jerry Cornfield,
the peacock calls himself, flies
to Anchorage, pretty, pretty
peacock, with such glorious
blue green in your feathers.
Friggle Froo called the
peacock in response to the silent
grass he was about to feast
on. Rolling up the grass
silently, the stupid monkey of
Nazi Germany kicked
the peanut butter onto
the turtle. I wish I was
a turtle.
The peanut butter will disappear
unde
There was a time
When you could
Look into my eyes and
See my soul.
There was a time
That i fancied that
I knew what you desired.
And there was a time
That i believed
We were in love.
But time and patience
Have proven me false
And now we know less of each other
Than two strangers passing on the street.
Lies, deceit and hasty passion
Have torn us apart
And you try in vain
To prove how you care
While i try fruitlessly
To push you away.
I'm so tired, but I can't sleep.
I just keep thinking of you
And you're thinking of her
And she's thinking of you.
And I'm crying
Cuz I can't stop loving you
But you love her
And she loves you
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Just like there's nothing I can do
About the pool of tears I'm drowning in
And there's nothing I can do
About the peice of glass a foot away from me
The broken glass all over the floor
That shattered when I threw the picture frame
The frame that held you
Against the wall
You're looking at me
I'm looking at your picture
And we're both staring at each other
And there's nothing I can do to break t
You ask me how I am.
Can you not see the pain on my face?
Can you not hear my screams for redemption,
Forgiveness,
Peace?
Can you not taste the tears dripping from my fingers?
Can you not smell the greif reeking from my every pore?
Can you not feel my love for you?
I'm fine...
In The Rain
Alone,
Watching the rain falling,
Wishing for a second chance,
Hoping to find my calling,
And go out in the rain and dance.
Hurt,
Thinking of you,
Looking for a second glance,
A sign to tell me what to do,
So I can go out in the rain and dance.
Wish,
For this pain to go away,
Feeling as if a I've been hit with a lance,
And all I want is one day,
To go out in the rain and dance.
Dance,
Merrily and joyfully in the rain,
Feeling it wash away all the pain,
Knowing this is my chance,
At a second glance,
And a day out in the rain and dance.
Dream,
That was all I dreamt of,
But dreams don't come true,
They just s
I feel lost and hollow,
Feeling nothing but pain,
With no path to follow,
And nothing to gain
I have no destiny, no fate,
No future left for me.
I'm losing everything I love and hate,
It won't let me be.
I'm loving who I should hate
And losing my best friend.
I don't want to sit and wait,
To see if this is the end.
Where are you now?
When I need you most?
You need to show me how,
To get rid of these ghosts.
These ghosts that haunt
Me day and night.
These ghosts that taunt
Me and destroy the light.
I'm lost in the dark,
I don't know what to do.
I can't see a mark,
Dear friend where are you?
Where are you to show me th
Searching for a way out,
Given a chance to be free,
And become filled with doubt,
For I am too blinded to see.
I love my life here.
But I am constantly reminded of the pain,
Reminded of the fears,
That made my face stainded,
With tears.
I want to get away,
And forget everything,
But fear makes me stay,
That is my broken wing.
What if i run?
Will I lose my friends?
I want them to come,
Don't let it end.
Will I be alone?
Am I alone now?
I need to feel at home,
The question is how.
What I wouldn't give to go,
Just for a little bit,
But no.
Leaving just wouldn't fit.
Am I a coward,
If I continue crying?
I am afraid and
Lost and alone,
Without a place or a home.
Apart and separte,
From the rest of the world.
Feeling so depserate,
To become unfurled.
This feeling of loneliness,
Is so ubiquitous.
This pain is containing.
How am I sustaining?
Living my like from day to day,
Following my path, finding my way.
Where do I find the will,
To wake up at dawn?
I so often feel ill,
Like a worthless little pawn.
A pawn in your twisted game of life.
Struggling and fighting against this encompassing strife.
Hating this overwhelming discord,
Into a solution myself I poured,
But this attempt was in vain,
And my hopes were slain.
Alone tears run from my
I am dieing,
I can feel it in my heart,
I can feel my soul,
Slowly, painfully, surely,
Leaving my body.
I feel the icey hand of death,
Taking mine,
Pulling me closer,
Holding me like a lover.
It is happening finally,
My pain is consuming me,
Killing me,
Burning me in its fiery hatred.
My soul is taken by the icey hand.
My body is consumed by the fiery hatred.
I am nothing.
I was happy
I held it in my hands
I was overwhelmed
And it was wonderful
But as soon as I spoke to you
The person I feel for so much
And I hear how sad you are
And that you can't appreciate life's blessings
I was overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by the sorrow I felt before
Losing the wonder and joy I had
Then overwhelmed with…
I don't know
For I cannot shake how I want to be with you
Yet I wish you would leave
So I can have the overwhelming joy
And lose this overwhelming sorrow
And what to do with the overwhelming feeling I have for you?
I don't know
I care for you so
And I know you care for me
Yet you bring me little joy
Causin
Do you believe in souls?
I do.
I believe a soul can be black as coal,
Or bright as the sky is blue.
Your soul gives you life
It gives you the spark in your eyes.
That beautiful spark...
How I long to gaze into your perfect sad eyes.
The color of the sky on a stromy day.
It could make me cry.
I feel my soul stir when I see you.
And I know it's calling.
Calling to be loved,
Perfectly and true.
And though I am not sure,
I think it's calling for you.
My soul is forever mine.
It's what gives me hope,
And the will to go on.
I give it to no one.
But if you wish,
I would share it with you.
Let you affect me however you wish.
I
The sun rose early on September sixth, streaming in through the bedroom window. Being an early riser, I awoke and rose from the guest bed set upon the floor. It took me a moment to collect my thoughts, and soon I remembered that I had spent the night at Jessica's, a close friend of mine. Jess continued to slumber, lost in a mass of blankets and comforters on her bed. I knew she would sleep until well past noon, if I allowed her. For in her sleep, Jess was safe from the thoughts that plagued her in the waking hours, those of her one-time love, Tyler. It was he who had begun the breaking of Jess, a process that continued, new cracks forming in
Do you believe in souls?
I do.
I believe a soul can be black as coal,
Or bright as the sky is blue.
Your soul gives you life
It gives you the spark in your eyes.
That beautiful spark...
How I long to gaze into your perfect sad eyes.
The color of the sky on a stromy day.
It could make me cry.
I feel my soul stir when I see you.
And I know it's calling.
Calling to be loved,
Perfectly and true.
And though I am not sure,
I think it's calling for you.
My soul is forever mine.
It's what gives me hope,
And the will to go on.
I give it to no one.
But if you wish,
I would share it with you.
Let you affect me however you wish.
I
Current Residence: not where the heart is Favourite cartoon character: droopy, snoopy and stewie Personal Quote: I think I'm a sofa -Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday, and now my mouth hurts. James has been sweet :love:, he came over yesterday and today and we watched movies and chilled. he's so nice, i'm so happy to be with him. i'll shut up now, cuz i generally hate listening to how happy other ppl are, maybe i'm just cynical... i hope i feel better soon, but i like the pain killers :pills:.
much love to you!
what a night last night was. got into fight w/ parents and shit went down, lots of shit. so far i'm grounded for the weekend, not bad, dunno what else i will have to suffer thro.
to everyone i scared: i'm sorry, i know it was dumb and i'm not going to make excuses.
to everyone who was there: thanku and i love you!
my parents are prolly going to send me back to the psychologist or therapy. i'll try and be better.
been awhile since i submitted or journaled or nething. got a new digi cam and it's working ok. prom was fun, not awesome but better than the other 2 i've been to. life is pretty good now, not so much drama and such.
in other news:
-james asked me out, woot!
-prom this past saturday
-posted some pix from prom
-took SATs this past saturday
-i have a hat
that's all for now, luv to you all.